The 1989 megahit Disney flick, "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" is allegedly a fun comedic science fiction movie for children. In fact, it's actually a disturbing horror film. During their harrowing journey, the shrunken kids narrowly escape getting crushed to death by falling debris, drowning in a flood, getting attacked by giant insects, being chopped to bits by a lawnmower and being eaten alive. Despite the kids' ability to defy death, they still have to witness their beloved pet ant get murdered right before their eyes!
Rick Moranis plays Wayne Szalinski, an absentminded scientist who invents a dangersome shrink ray capable of instantly destroying organic material, and he leaves it running in an unlocked room in the home he shares with his two children. In addition to being a negligent parent, his relationship with wife is tenuous. We have to hope that they don't get divorced, even though his family would be much safer getting as far from this man as humanly possible.
Join us as we discuss every detail of this creepy classic, clarify Einstein’s contributions to science, and discover why Keating's childhood dog died.
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This episode is sponsored by Release Belt.
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Damien Chazelle's 2016 musical "La La Land” follows an age-old tradition of blatantly making movies for the sole purpose of licking Hollywood's balls in order to win Oscars. It’s right on par with other transparently pandering piles of garbage like 2014’s “Birdman,” 2012’s “Argo” and 2011’s “The Artist.” The only way these filmmakers could have tried harder to win would have been to go door-to-door and give head to each and every member of the Academy. Only they and their therapists will ever know the truth.
Emma Stone plays Mia, an aspiring actress who is supposed to be incredibly good at what she does because she’s able to summon tears while holding a cell phone, but people just don’t see her alleged brilliance. Then, she meets a man who inspires her to write a one-woman show, which leads her to the stardom she always wanted, but their relationship ends because she has to go to Paris for a couple months.
Ryan Gosling plays Sebastian, an overly-nostalgic, jazz-obsessed lunatic with a stool fetish. When he’s not breaking out into song or tap dancing, he has to play humiliating gigs in order to support himself. After he finally lands a gig that both allows him to play with talented musicians and save money for his goal of one day opening his own jazz club, his girlfriend Mia immediately turns on him for being a sellout, and they break up.
Yes, this movie won six Oscars (well, seven, for a few minutes).
Join us as we discuss what Jonathan Lipnicki would sound like if he were a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, how a movie theater usher was blinded by a Hot Tamale during a candy fight, and some better lyrics to the loathsome songs on this soundtrack.
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This episode is sponsored by RelationshipRenaissance.
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Get your head out of a horse's *** and join us as we discuss former President William Jefferson Clinton's favorite film, the 1984 classic, "Police Academy." The movie made $146M at the box office and spawned six sequels as well as a short-lived TV series. It's only a matter of time before J.J. Abrams or one of the Nolan brothers makes a gritty reboot or prequel.
Steve Guttenberg plays Cadet Carey Mahoney, a smart aleck who's forced to join the police academy rather than face jail time for criminal destruction of property. Much to his surprise, good ol' Mahoney quickly falls in love with one of his fellow cadets and ends up deciding that he actually wants to be a cop.
David Graf plays Cadet Tackleberry, a trigger-happy maniac. In hindsight, Tackleberry's shoot-first, ask-questions-later policy is no longer the fount of comedic gold it was once considered.
Bubba Smith plays Cadet Hightower, a colossal florist-turned-cop who doesn't take kindly to racist remarks. Hightower's performance is full of zany strongman antics, including: smashing over brick wall, overturning a cop car and knocking a guy out with one punch.
Michael Winslow plays Larvell Jones, a human sound effects machine who, in retrospect, seems like he needs some serious mental help to overcome his severe neuropsychiatric disorder.
Kim Cattrall of "Sex and the City" fame plays Cadet Karen Thompson, a rich girl whose character is never really fleshed out, but she is thrown into the mix to be Mahoney's love/flesh interest.
Join us as we discuss an alternate reality where "Police Academy" didn't exist and Jim struggles to pronounce names.
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This episode is sponsored by BoycottBypass.
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The 2008 Best Picture winner, "Slumdog Millionaire," is a fake episode of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” set in India with an evil version of Regis Philbin. Despite the fact that the questions they ask are extremely easy, Evil Reege suspects the winning contestant of cheating and turns him over to corrupt cops who attempt to torture a confession out of him. This is the actual plot of this movie.
Dev Patel plays 18-year-old Jamal Malik, a clean-cut charismatic young man who speaks both Hindi and the Queen’s English perfectly, but we’re supposed to believe that he came from the deepest depths of poverty and spent his youth as an uneducated, parentless street urchin. We’d sooner believe Sir Benedict Cumberbatch was from the slums.
Model-turned-actress Freida Pinto plays Latika, Jamal’s supposed lifelong soulmate even though they never spent more than a day together between age 8 and 18 and hardly knew each other.
Anil Kapoor plays Prem Kumar (aka Evil Regis), a psychopathic game show host who vehemently hates Jamal for successfully answering a few simple quiz questions.
Irrfan Khan plays a police inspector who initially tortures and mistrusts Jamal until he decides that Jamal is telling the truth and transforms into a really nice dude.
Join us as we talk about the worst places to put chili powder and how the invention of the orphan blinder revolutionized the begging industry.
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This episode is sponsored by ServiceWeasels.
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"Ecclesiastes assures us... that there is a time for every purpose under heaven. A time to laugh... and a time to weep. A time to mourn... and there is a time to dance.” - Ren McCormack
The 1984 musical drama, “Footloose,” makes viewers laugh at its afterschool special-caliber plot…and weep about the fact Kenny Loggins was nominated for both an Oscar and a Grammy for the title song. It makes us mourn the 110 minutes we wasted watching it…and it makes us want to dance directly into an oncoming train.
Applewood-smoked Kevin Bacon plays Ren McCormack, a dance-crazed gymnast who's forced to move from Chicago to a small religious town where dancing is illegal after his father abandons his family.
John Lithgow plays Reverend Shaw Moore, a silver-tongued preacher who rules his town by issuing fiery pronouncements from the pulpit. After his dunce son died while driving drunk and acting like a moron, he decided to ban everyone from dancing. He also viciously slaps his daughter at one point.
Lori Singer plays Ariel Moore, a rebellious preacher’s daughter whose entire identity revolves around the death of her brother and punishing her father. Her favorite pastime is putting her friends’ lives in grave danger.
Chris Penn plays Willard Hewitt, a super-friendly hick who learns some bizarre dance moves that wouldn’t be well-suited for prom, or any other social occasion.
Sarah Jessica Parker plays Rusty, Ariel’s gossipy BFF who has the hots for Bacon, but settles for Penn.
Join us as we discuss Jim’s aversion to glitter and how 80s movies love to perpetuate the reefer madness myth.
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This episode is sponsored by Peewee CTE.
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