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Film Snuff

Tearing apart your favorite movies.
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Now displaying: February, 2018
Feb 27, 2018

The 2017 film "Baby Driver" takes place in a world of vivid colors and nonstop music, but all of the feebly-depicted characters are black and white and the chords the film attempts to hit end up sounding dissonant. Its director, Edgar Wright, seems to have lost his knack for comedy and instead resorts to a bunch of stale criminal lingo that sounds like he learned it by watching old episodes of "Starsky & Hutch."

Ansel Elgort plays Baby, a car thief with superhuman tinnitus powers who, as a teenager, inadvertently stole a vehicle loaded with thousands of dollars in drugs that was owned by an Atlanta kingpin. As a result, he's forced to become an indentured servant getaway driver for several years in order to pay for the cost of the stolen merchandise.

Lily James plays Debora, a singing waitress who works at a diner that Baby habitually frequents because his dead mother, a former singing waitress, used to work there. She instantly falls for Baby upon meeting him while he’s looking at the kids menu. Then, things continue to get real Oedipal real fast as she takes on a romantic role in his life as well as a quasi-maternal role.

Kevin Spacey plays Doc, an underworld boss who carefully organizes major heists in the Atlanta area out of his secret warehouse lair that’s smack dab in the middle of downtown and is frequented by so many criminals that there is no way that it wouldn’t be exposed. He also makes a big point of claiming that he assembles a different crew for each and every job, but then we see him recycle the same people almost immediately.

Jon Hamm and Eiza González play Buddy and Darling, a murderous and passionate pair who engage in high-stakes robbery to fuel their cocaine habits. It’s hard to determine what’s less believable, Jon Hamm as a hardened criminal or Eiza González casually firing two automatic weapons at the same time.

Jamie Foxx plays Bats, a trigger-happy buffoon who kills almost everyone he meets and is incapable of completing a sentence without inserting some sort of failed pun or nonsensical remark.

Join us as we discuss Jon Hamm's shady college past, how this movie instantly aged given Kevin Spacey's creepy dialogue, and how we blame J.J. Abrams for this overrated film getting made.  

Tell us what you think by chatting with us (@filmsnuff) on TwitterFacebook and Instagram, or by shooting us an email over at mailbag@filmsnuff.com.

This episode is sponsored by Cards Against Creativity.

Visit our website at https://www.filmsnuff.com.

Feb 20, 2018

In 1976, a former porn star made a low-budget movie called "Rocky" about an underdog boxer who randomly gets a shot at the heavyweight championship. The film went on to become the highest-grossing movie of the year, win three Oscars (including Best Picture) and, at last count, has spawned seven sequels.

Sylvester Stallone plays Rocky Balboa, a punch-drunk 30-year-old who considers himself as a pro boxer because he takes the occasional fight at a local church athletic club. We're supposed to think that Rocky is this total sweetheart, but his main source of income is from roughing up pathetic losers who are behind on their payments to his loan shark boss. Then, after his name gets picked out of hat to fight the reigning heavyweight champion, Rocky jogs around Philadelphia for five weeks and almost manages to win the title.

Talia Shire plays Adrian, a painfully-shy pet shop clerk who Rocky incessantly hounds for a date until she finally relents after her brother has a violent episode and destroys Thanksgiving. Then, Adrian loses her virginity at the conclusion of their awkward first date and she instantly transforms into Jackie Kennedy (wardrobe and all) for the rest of the movie.

Burgess Meredith plays Mickey, a cantankerous old boxing trainer who treats Rocky like garbage until he sees the chance to take advantage of his shot at the heavyweight title. Somehow, every stupid little phrase that comes out of Mickey's mouth in this movie is still parroted back by idiots across the world.

Burt Young plays Paulie, a drunken dimwit with a violent streak whose highest aspiration in life is to become a leg breaker for the local loan shark. Somehow we are supposed feel sorry for this guy and kinda like him despite the fact that he is entirely despicable and the world would be a far better place if he had never been born.

Carl Weathers plays Apollo Creed, a smooth-talking heavyweight champion who has become so preoccupied with the business of boxing that he has lost focus on maintaining his abilities. His character is a combination of Muhammed Ali and the hare from Aesop's famous fable "The Tortoise and the Hare."

Join us as we discuss this movie's similarities to "Willy Wonka," why exactly Rocky lectures a little girl about being a *****, and how "Gonna Fly Now" is one of the worst songs ever.

Tell us what you think by chatting with us (@filmsnuff) on TwitterFacebook and Instagram, or by shooting us an email over at mailbag@filmsnuff.com.

This episode is sponsored by Ocean Rape Incorporated.

Visit our website at https://www.filmsnuff.com.

Feb 13, 2018

1991's tear-jerker "My Girl" ♪has got storm clouds on a sunny day
It wasn't cold outside when they killed off Thomas J
Well I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
Dead kid (dead kid, dead kid)
Talkin' 'bout dead kid (dead kid)♪

This nostalgic coming-of-age story could appropriately be titled "American Horror Story" with its ghoulish setting and the fact that it repeatedly bashes the audience over the head with disturbing events until they are left huddling in the corner, weeping.

Anna Chlumsky of HBO's "Veep" plays Vada Sultenfuss, a precocious hypochondriacal 11 year old whose mother died in childbirth and whose emotionally-distant father raises her in an operational funeral home where she is constantly exposed to death. Also, her sweet grandma who moved in with them to help out is stricken with advanced Alzheimer's disease (which is used for comic relief in this movie). Also, her favorite teacher turns out to be a creep who is playing emotional mind games with her. Also, her best friend dies. So, you know, normal kid stuff. 

Macaulay Culkin plays Thomas J, a nice young boy who loves Vada with all of his little heart and does his best to help her cope with the difficulties of her childhood until the filmmakers unleash a hive of bees upon him and murder him for their own sick purposes.

Dan Aykroyd plays Harry Sultenfuss, a small-town mortician who became dead inside on the day of his daughter’s birth due to the death of his wife. He drifts along as a shadow of his former self and is completely oblivious of the emotional needs of the people around him until he starts getting laid and snaps back to life.

Jamie Lee Curtis plays Shelly DeVoto, a cosmetologist who lives in a stolen motor home and comes to work at the Sultenfuss Funeral Parlor. She quickly decides that she wants to join this ready-made family and puts some serious moves on her new boss to make it happen.

Join us as we discuss how this movie's producer probably bribed the MPAA for its PG rating, how we are reviewing the statute of limitation on pressing charges against Mr. Bixler, and whether Dan Aykroyd's breasts are real or not.

Tell us what you think by chatting with us (@filmsnuff) on TwitterFacebook and Instagram, or by shooting us an email over at mailbag@filmsnuff.com.

This episode is sponsored by Labor of Love.

Visit our website at https://www.filmsnuff.com.

Feb 6, 2018

In 1992, the director of "Field of Dreams," Phil Alden Robinson, made a film called "Sneakers" with a far-fetched plot about an unconstitutional secret NSA domestic surveillance system designed solely for the purpose of spying on unsuspecting American citizens. It’s a relief that nothing like that could ever happen in real life.

Robert Redford plays a wisecracking cool guy with a secret past who leads a ragtag bunch of misfits who specialize in breaking into seemingly impenetrable buildings. Sidney Poitier plays a hot-tempered former CIA agent who is hellbent on scoring an all-expense paid vacation to Tahiti. Dan Aykroyd plays himself, a raving mad conspiracy theorist who somehow manages to be likable despite his unsettling eccentricities. David Strathairn (however you pronounce his name) plays a blind hacker with superhuman hearing and Holmesian powers of deduction. And, River Phoenix is in this movie behaving oddly.

There's also a corny sub-plot where Mary McDonnell plays Robert Redford’s ex-girlfriend who he’s attempting to reconcile with while simultaneously using her as a pawn to execute his perilous caper.

And last but not least, Sir Ben Kingsley plays a meek computer genius who gets hired by the mafia as their accountant while he's in prison. As you would expect, he manages to rise through the ranks of the mob and manages to become their Chief Technology Officer and becomes evil along the way.

Join us as we try to figure out if River Phoenix was ever a good actor, discuss which famous actor in this used to be a clown, and try to unravel this labyrinth of a plot with more holes in it than Swiss cheese.

Tell us what you think by chatting with us (@filmsnuff) on TwitterFacebook and Instagram, or by shooting us an email over at mailbag@filmsnuff.com.

This episode is sponsored by the Squirty Potty.

Visit our website at https://www.filmsnuff.com.

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