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Film Snuff

Tearing apart your favorite movies.
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Now displaying: April, 2020
Apr 28, 2020

While most of us are still on lockdown do to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, please enjoy this reposting of our episode on the original "Rocky" movie that aired in February 2018. Keating spends a few minutes up front updating you on how his quarantine has been going, and then at the very end, reveals what our newest episode will cover. Stay safe!

ORIGINAL SHOW NOTES:

In 1976, a former porn star made a low-budget movie called "Rocky" about an underdog boxer who randomly gets a shot at the heavyweight championship. The film went on to become the highest-grossing movie of the year, win three Oscars (including Best Picture) and, at last count, has spawned seven sequels.

Sylvester Stallone plays Rocky Balboa, a punch-drunk 30-year-old who considers himself as a pro boxer because he takes the occasional fight at a local church athletic club. We're supposed to think that Rocky is this total sweetheart, but his main source of income is from roughing up pathetic losers who are behind on their payments to his loan shark boss. Then, after his name gets picked out of hat to fight the reigning heavyweight champion, Rocky jogs around Philadelphia for five weeks and almost manages to win the title.

Talia Shire plays Adrian, a painfully-shy pet shop clerk who Rocky incessantly hounds for a date until she finally relents after her brother has a violent episode and destroys Thanksgiving. Then, Adrian loses her virginity at the conclusion of their awkward first date and she instantly transforms into Jackie Kennedy (wardrobe and all) for the rest of the movie.

Burgess Meredith plays Mickey, a cantankerous old boxing trainer who treats Rocky like garbage until he sees the chance to take advantage of his shot at the heavyweight title. Somehow, every stupid little phrase that comes out of Mickey's mouth in this movie is still parroted back by idiots across the world.

Burt Young plays Paulie, a drunken dimwit with a violent streak whose highest aspiration in life is to become a leg breaker for the local loan shark. Somehow we are supposed feel sorry for this guy and kinda like him despite the fact that he is entirely despicable and the world would be a far better place if he had never been born.

Carl Weathers plays Apollo Creed, a smooth-talking heavyweight champion who has become so preoccupied with the business of boxing that he has lost focus on maintaining his abilities. His character is a combination of Muhammed Ali and the hare from Aesop's famous fable "The Tortoise and the Hare."

Join us as we discuss this movie's similarities to "Willy Wonka," why exactly Rocky lectures a little girl about being a slut, and how "Gonna Fly Now" is one of the worst songs ever.

Tell us what you think by chatting with us (@filmsnuff) on TwitterFacebook and Instagram, or by shooting us an email over at mailbag@filmsnuff.com.

Visit our website at https://www.filmsnuff.com.

Apr 21, 2020

The highest-grossing film of 1998 that was nominated for four Oscars (yes), “Armageddon,” makes its also-awful counterpart “Deep Impact” look like “Citizen Kane.”

This explosion-(in space?)-filled blockbuster is another in the painful pop culture cancer filmographies of director Michael Bay and producer Jerry Bruckheimer that likes to remind its audience 500 times that America can do no wrong.

Bruce Willis plays Harry Stamper, “the best” deep sea oil driller to ever live, who is asked by NASA to dig 800 feet down into a bound-for-earth Texas-sized angry astroid, place a nuke in it, and blow it up without dying.

Ben Affleck plays A.J. Frost, Harry’s best employee who is banging his daughter and likes to hotdog too much, do bad standup bits about animal crackers, sing awfully, and force us to listen to his bad Australian accent.

Liv Tyler plays Willis’ daughter, Grace, whose only job in this movie is to be in love with A.J. and to scream at everyone in Mission Control, who strangely allow her in the room. Oh, and be about to have sex while her actual dad serenades her via the soundtrack. Ew.

Billy Bob Thornton plays Dan Truman, who fills the Ed Harris in “Apollo 13” role as the leader in NASA's Mission Control room. They squeeze in some bizarre backstory for him where he has Forrest Gump braces on his legs and therefore couldn't be an astronaut.

And of course there's the rag-tag crew of Bruce Willis’ drillers that includes Steve Buscemi (who plays a genius pedophile), Owen Wilson (who plays a super annoying cowboy geologist), Will Patton (who plays a gambling-addicted dude who only kind of wants his family back), and Michael Clarke Duncan (who plays a giant dude who cries a lot and wears leopard-print undies). There’s also some lame astronauts (gross) and a bunch of cameos by awful ‘90s comedians.

Join us as we discuss the awful dialogue (“We’re all daddies, here”), mail-order brides, and the fine country of Samoa.

Tell us what you think by chatting with us (@filmsnuff) on TwitterFacebook and Instagram, or by shooting us an email over at mailbag@filmsnuff.com.

This episode is sponsored by the Trump Organization Essential Products line. 

Visit our website at https://www.filmsnuff.com.

Apr 14, 2020

In September of 2017, we released back-to-back episodes about James Cameron's 1997 blockbuster "Titanic." For this REPLAY episode, we have combined those into one long episode for your memory lane listening pleasure. Enjoy. 

Apr 7, 2020

The all-the-sudden relevant movie from 1995,” Outbreak,” about a global pandemic and how to stop it, misses the chance to be interesting by squandering its all-star cast in exchange for mindless explosions, helicopter chases and a cheesy love story.

Always-angry Dustin Hoffman plays a military doctor who looks like he’s wearing his daddy’s fatigues on Halloween. He seems more concerned about getting his ex-wife (Rene Russo) back than he is about saving the world.

Silky-voiced Morgan Freeman and Donald Sutherland play friendly-evil and unfriendly-evil military higher-ups who are trying to conceal the outbreak because it was caused by a biological weapon they were hoping to later develop (or something).

Cuba Gooding Jr. plays a dude who can apparently do anything (like create vaccines instantly, fly helicopters like an ace, and even be a marksman with a tranquilizer gun). Well, everything except not vomiting at the sight of illness. Ya know, as all doctors do.

We also get Marcel the monkey from “Friends,” who plays an on-the-loose, virus-ridden capuchin that people are immediately attracted to without realizing how insanely destructive she is. Like Amber Heard.

The only good thing about this movie is we do get to watch Kevin Spacey slowly die a horrible death. So that’s somethin’.

Join us as we do bad Morgan Freeman impressions and wonder about Dustin Hoffman’s manhood.

Tell us what you think by chatting with us (@filmsnuff) on TwitterFacebook and Instagram, or by shooting us an email over at mailbag@filmsnuff.com.

This episode is sponsored by Ass Swipe.

Visit our website at https://www.filmsnuff.com.

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