The 1968 musical based on an Ian Fleming novel, "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang," tells the story of a criminally negligent single dad who falsely impersonates a carnival worker in order to scam money to buy a jalopy old race car, and then tells a story about how the car is supernaturally alive in some way that presumably is related to the previous owners of the car dying horribly in a fiery crash whilst driving it. The story also weaves in a weird subplot about a pirate who turns out to be a Baron who is obsessed with trying to murder his wife. And an even weirder subplot about an evil molesty child catcher who specializes in literally sniffing out his victims.
Dick Van Dyke plays Caractacus Potts, an absent-minded professor and widower who fritters away his time and money tinkering with inventions that are utter nonsense. He doesn't seem to have the sense to realize that his two children need him to be a responsible adult rather than a buffoon who barely ekes out a pathetic living by doing a song and dance routine whenever he's in a pinch.
Sally Ann Howes plays Truly Scrumptious, the sole heir to Lord Scrumptious's massive candy empire. With the way that she instantly falls in love with Caractacus Potts after he demonstrates himself to be quite the bumbling misogynist, her name should instead be Truly Desperate.
Join us as we take out the 'ol bam-boo and bludgeon this film to death with it.
Tell us what you think by chatting with us (@filmsnuff) on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, or by shooting us an email over at mailbag@filmsnuff.com.
This episode is sponsored by Indentured Drivitude.
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Seth MacFarlane's feature-length directorial debut "Ted" is just one long fart: funny in theory and for a second, but when the butt-trombone just continues for two hours, it stops being humorous and you realize you're just sitting in a room where everything smells.
Because most people in the world are stupid, this messy flatulence of flat racist and homophobic jokes and '80s references made $549.4 million at the box office, spawned a successful sequel, and was even nominated for an Academy Award for Best Original Song.
MacFarlane plays the title character (both in voice and motion capture), Ted, a foul-mouthed, toxic, alcoholic teddy bear with a penchant for racism and banging hookers (even though he doesn't have money or genitals).
Mark Wahlberg plays John Bennett, Ted's best friend who as a child wished his teddy bear would come to life. He’s an immature, childish man in his 30s who is whipped by his girlfriend (played by Mila "Meg Griffin" Kunis) and will do anything—even cut ties with Ted—to stop her from dumping him.
Joel McHale plays Mila Kunis' character’s sexually harassing boss who didn't need to be in this movie at all.
And Giovanni Ribisi plays Donny, Ted's stalker, which leads to a funny kidnapping scene, but by then, we've already been stewing in this rancid air for so long that we can't wait to walk out of the theater and breathe some well-needed fresh air.
Join us as we break down why this movie's humor doesn't work, discuss how playing Tetris for too long makes you go insane, and wonder why Norah Jones is somehow in this movie and integral to its plot.
Tell us what you think by chatting with us (@filmsnuff) on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, or by shooting us an email over at mailbag@filmsnuff.com.
This episode is sponsored by Eyeball-to-Table.
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When you were 12, did you ever wish you were bigger? And did you also ever wish to make your mom think you got kidnapped and that a 30-something brash woman with smoker's breath would have sex with you while also pretending to be your new mommy? If so, then the 1988 Penny Marshall movie "Big" starring Tom Hanks is right up your alley.
Sure, the sickly sweet score, oversized piano dancing, cushy job at a toy company, and silly-string fights make this film feel like a light-hearted age-swap romp, but when you actually look at what this movie is about, it feels more like a horror movie.
Hanks plays Josh Baskin, a kid who made a wish on a racist fortune teller machine and then aged about 20 years overnight. He's obsessed with little kid toys even though he's weeks away from turning 13, and he doesn't seem to mind pretending to be his own kidnapper to his distraught mother faster than he can say, "I'm technically getting molested by my co-worker!"
Elizabeth Perkins plays Susan Lawrence, Josh's said jaded, workaholic, man-eating, 30-something co-worker who falls for a man with the mind of a 12-year-old boy and doesn't seem all that fazed when she finds out he actually is 12 years old.
Robert Loggia plays Mr. MacMillan, the aloof owner of the toy company Josh quickly climbs the ladder of, whose entire character is to pretend that every innocent and dumb thing that comes out of Josh's mouth is somehow insightful and refreshing even when they're not.
To round out the cast, we have John Heard (the dad from "Home Alone") as Hank's one-sided rival, Mercedes Ruehl as Josh's super sad mother, and Jared Rushton (one of the shrunken kids in "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids") as Josh's wily best friend, Billy Kopecki.
Join us discuss all the 26 minutes of weird scenes that were added to the "extended cut" of this movie, wonder why the police don't seem to care much that the young Josh is missing, and question how Tom Hanks' version of Josh is able to get a bank account and rent an expensive apartment without even knowing his own social security number.
Tell us what you think by chatting with us (@filmsnuff) on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, or by shooting us an email over at mailbag@filmsnuff.com.
This episode is sponsored by Negative Footprint.
Visit our website at https://www.filmsnuff.com.
Disney's Oscar-winning 2013 cultural sensation "Frozen," that created ear-worm songs for annoyed parents everywhere, is already considered a classic piece of Disney animation, rivaling the likes of "Beauty and the Beast" and "The Lion King," and has critics and moviegoers spewing nonsense about how its message is progressive and fresh when it's actually regressive and spoiled.
The flimsy, sloppy, incoherent plot is as follow: When their kingdom becomes trapped in perpetual winter, Princess Anna (voiced by Kristen Bell) joins forces with ice salesman Kristoff (voiced by Jonathan Groff) and his reindeer sidekick to find Anna's sister, Snow Queen Elsa (voiced by Adele Dazeem, er, Idina Menzel), to try and break her icy spell that she accidentally cast on everyone. Although their journey leads them to encounters with kidnapping trolls, an undead snowman (creepily voiced Josh Gad), harsh conditions, and magic at every turn, Anna and Kristoff push onward in a race to save their kingdom from winter's cold grip.
Um, yeah. We also get a fair share of Nordic stereotypes, skitzo characters, catchy songs that make no sense contextually to the plot, and unearned villainous turns.
Join us as Keating talks about how Olaf haunts his dreams, we realize Jim’s amazing ability to point out when characters look like Ron Jeremy, and as we discuss Brad Pitt’s former plans to create the 9/11 Memorial.
Tell us what you think by chatting with us (@filmsnuff) on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, or by shooting us an email over at mailbag@filmsnuff.com.
This episode is sponsored by Edibles Arrangement.
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"Private Benjamin" pretends the make and model of this 1980 Goldie Hawn vehicle will bring you the new-car smell of female empowerment by having a put-upon housewife change gears via enlisting in the Army, but when you pop open the hood and look at the engine, you'll find the same old misogynist faux-feminist lemon Nancy Meyers always smarmily tries to get you to drive off the lot.
This is the first film Nancy Meyers was ever involved with, and it gained her her only Oscar nomination (she wrote it with her then-husband and future long-time collaborator Charles Shyer).
It stars Goldie Hawn as Judy Benjamin, a woman whose second husband (played by Albert Brooks) dies on their wedding night, so out of loneliness (and blatant stupidity) she believes the obvious chicanery of an opportunistic Army recruiter (played by Harry Dean Stanton) who makes her think joining up with be the equivalent of a lavish European vacation.
Of course it isn't; and, she is ridiculed by her mean parents and her tough-as-nails female Army superior Capt. Lewis (played by Eileen Brennan). But Private Benjamin eventually shapes up and takes to boot camp, and after an unneeded attempted rape scene, she parlays this act into being stationed in Europe just so she can be closer to a dickish Jewish Communist French-ish gynecologist (no, seriously) that she had a one-night stand with at a bar randomly. She ends up quitting the Army to marry him, but then she realizes he sucks and pulls a runaway bride at the altar.
What did she learn? Nothing. What did we get out of this comedy? Not much laughter. Has Nancy Meyers been doing this same routine since the beginning? Most definitely.
Join us as we dive deeper into our attending the fictitious Nancy Meyers convention known as "Nancy-Con," tell some stories about pranking teachers, and how this movie about the Army barely has any Army-ing in it.
Tell us what you think by chatting with us (@filmsnuff) on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, or by shooting us an email over at mailbag@filmsnuff.com.
This episode is sponsored by Sign of Our Times.
Visit our website at https://www.filmsnuff.com.