How on earth (or any other planet) was James Cameron's 2009 film "Avatar" nominated for 9 Oscars and how is it currently the highest-grossing movie of all time? This movie doesn't brand itself as an animated film, even though it is, and somehow it won the Oscar for Best Cinematography. Weird. And, as everyone knows, this movie is a huge ripoff of tons of other stuff. It's amazing how many we were able to come up with.
Sam Worthington plays Jake Sully, a Marine whose mission is to infiltrate the natives to help destroy them, but he joins them instead. Sounds familiar. Zoë Saldana plays Neytiri, a strong independent blue woman in line to lead her clan. Sigourney Weaver plays Grace Augustine, a brash no-nonsense scientist who smokes cigarettes 150 years from now. Michelle Rodriquez plays, well, herself, basically.
We didn't think it was possible for a movie to get us to say the words "horse" and "rape" more than the movie "Casablanca" did, but we were wrong.
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This episode is sponsored by Read No Evil.
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Two violent criminals invade a house in which an 8-year-old child has been abandoned while his family goes on vacation to Paris. The 1990 classic film, "Home Alone," shows us that child endangerment is more fun than a barrel of monkeys.
Macaulay Culkin plays Kevin McCallister, a psychopathic sadist whose hobbies include severely burning people, inflicting massive head trauma, and puncturing his victims' flesh with sharp objects. While Kevin's actions may have technically been justified by self-defense, this kid will surely grow up to be a prolific serial killer.
Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern play Harry and Marv, two blundering criminals whose ambitions quickly escalate from theft to home invasion after getting scammed by a kindergartener. Spoiler alert: The hilarious conclusion to this family film is Harry attempting to bite off Kevin's fingers one-by-one right before having his head bashed in by a shovel.
Merry Christmas, Everyone!
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This episode is sponsored by Rob Steele & Associates.
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A mentally ill author, a spunky waitress, and a gay painter show us that all you need to do in life to find true happiness is settle for less in the 1997 Best Picture nominee "As Good as It Gets."
Jack Nicholson plays Melvin Udall, a reclusive obsessive-compulsive who keeps people away with his bristly attitude, but underneath that rough exterior is a manipulative old lecher who wants to get laid. He actually won an Oscar for this.
Helen Hunt plays Carol Connelly, a plucky waitress with a sick son who is desperate to find a man. She says some stale lines, gets upset several times, and shows a little butt crack, so it's supposed to be a magnificent performance.
Greg Kinnear plays Simon Bishop, an artist who is robbed and beaten so badly that he goes broke from the hospital bills. Simon is forced to go on a zany road trip to ask his parents for help. We're supposed to believe that this seemingly awful situation changes Simon's life for the better somehow, even though he is now deformed, handicapped, and roommates with a madman.
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This episode is sponsored by Mary-Kate Jefferson.
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Real-life professional American football player (and actual human being, mind you) Michael Oher, who is the subject of the 2009 Oscar-nominated sappy box office smash hit “The Blind Side,” isn’t the biggest fan of how he was depicted in this movie — and we can’t blame him.
It depicts him as a dopey vagrant who can barely fend for himself and who has absolutely no understanding of the game of football, until, one day, a white family (mainly Sandra Bullock, who won an Oscar for Best Actress for this somehow) saves him and teaches him how to be great at the game — single-handedly paving his way to Ole Miss and then the NFL.
In reality, Michael Oher had been playing football all his life, was already a star athlete at the rich white school where Sandra Bullock’s character’s family met him, and achieved his goals all on his own.
But, hey, when has Hollywood ever let the truth get in the way of a good story? Well, actually, that’s a stretch, because this movie’s story is equally as awful as its bastardization of what actually happened.
Join us as we tear apart this insanely racist, cheesy and manipulative mess that isn’t even good enough for the likes of Lifetime.
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This episode is sponsored by HytchHyke.
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